H.M.S.Illustrious.

Philthechill
24th May 2008, 12:09
Did anyone see the first programme about "Illustrious" on Ch 5 t'other night?
On the strength of what we saw the calibre of her "engineers" seemed somewhat "iffy" as they didn't seem capable of carrying-out the sort of jobs we, in "The Merch", had to do on a regular basis.

The first problem, engineering-wise, was encountered soon after the ship put to sea. Some part of the fridge plant went on the blink so the ship returned to port, where the crew unloaded one of the cold-stores whilst the problem was fixed,(presumably by shore-side contractors) and then they put to sea again!

Then we were informed that one of the air-compressors ("essential for starting the engines!!!!!"), "despite regular maintenance" was giving trouble but, luckily, the ship's staff had managed to repair it!!

E-r-r-r yes, isn't that why they are there?

Then, just before the programme finished, we were shown a close-up of a score-mark on one of the painted (PAINTED!? PAINTED!? My God, Royal Navy, POLISH the shafts, with door-mats, like we did in the MN!) propeller-shafts.

The ships female Engineer Officer decided that she'd send a diver down to look at the propeller to see if there was a fault with it. When they found nothing wrong with the prop she then decided that the problem lay elsewhere!!!!

Judging from the close proximity of the score-mark, to the nearest shaft-bearing, I would have thought that the problem lay in excessive wear of that particular bearing and not a great deal to do with the propeller.

However we have to wait until the next episode to see exactly what the problem was!!

Knowing my unerring brilliance at putting my foot in things, by leaping to conclusions with the accuracy of an Olympic long-jumper, I'll probably have to eat vast quantities of humble pie when the true cause of the scored prop-shaft is revealed!! Ho-hum! C'est la vie!, as t'French would say, C'est la vie! Salaams Phil(Hippy)

Broady
24th May 2008, 12:18
I must admit to thinking along a similar line as yourself,prop shafts were always polished and as you state thats why the engineers are there to fix things(Thumb)

wigger
24th May 2008, 12:26
Given the way things are reported these days, I did wonder if the programme would mention the Illustrious's problems at all! :D

Cap'n Pete
24th May 2008, 16:25
I have to say that the image shown of a rating going ashore in a mini-skirt and high heels said a lot for the state of the Grey Funnel Line these days. Don't get me wrong - I'm all for more women at sea but I really would discourage any female member of my crew from going through a dock area in such attire, even in the UK.

Perhaps a discussion on what is suitable attire for going ashore is called for. Gone are the days when officers were expected to join the ship in jacket and tie but I cannot help but feel that some are letting the side down - or perhaps I'm just getting old and senile?

Broady
24th May 2008, 17:16
Old and senile not at all,I did think she struggled a bit on the gangway and she was sober so how she came back I dont know,but no it doesnt portray a good image of todays Navy

AncientBrit
24th May 2008, 18:16
Prior to my departure from the UK in 72, I lived in Cornwall, just west of HMS Raleigh the training establishment, my neighbours at the time, were an RN. Lt Cdr and his wife. We became good friends and drinking cohorts and it turns out this guy is the 1st Lt (XO) of the training base.
The tales of woe he related and the sights I myself experienced were to forever tinge my opinion of the "new" Royal Navy.
The new trainees, he said, were completely lacking in common sense. If, for example you told a trainee to go back to his room and pick up a pencil. If you didnt add, and then come back here, you didnt see him for the rest of the class. He said he didnt bother if the trainee was lacking in schooling, that could be corrected and they could be taught. Common sense was something you either had or you never got.
On occassions we went to social functions in the wardroom and to one who served under bosses who's fathers had been a naval officer before them, it was an eye-opener of gynormous proportions I can tell you. The vast majority lounged around likeyour average louts in the seedier clubs, the older ones stood and acted soberly polite at the bar. On going to the can, I had to pull apart two "officers" who were beating the snot out of each other and proclaiming in broad northern accents that the other guy was looking at his "woman". At the time I remember thinking how I had only been out of the RN for 6 years and already it was going down the toilet.
When I asked my friend about this, his comment seemed to go along with what has been discussed in various threads in SN for a while now.
You only have to look at what we have to choose from these days he said. Anyone with an education and the ability to lead is going into the Corporate stream, in the main, the RN gets whats left. The ratings are basically the unleadable being lead by those without the ability to lead. Sad eh?
Which segues right into the subject of this thread and the one on Trafalgar.
Thirty and more years ago when I was in the illustrating business, we used a mylar tracing film that was almost as clear as glass and here in the 21st century we have two Commanders, responsible for training officers to control a billion dollar nuclear sub using tracing paper!!!!!! Oh dear! I wonder if either of them ever got into a fight in the officers head at HMS Raleigh?
AB

HALLLINE
26th May 2008, 20:58
What suprised me was the state of the paint work in the machinary spaces and on that compressor and this after a refit.They mustn't take poker gauge readings on the bearings and I can't see a bearing dropping so quickly without somebody noticing it was red hot!, and if they were roller type bearings they wouldn't drop at all. It wouldn't supprise me if all this wasn't set up for dramatic effect.
Dave

Santos
26th May 2008, 21:09
Dave,

You are probably right - as I do not believe anything I see on the TV these days. Its all invented, twisted to make so called ' good television '. They were probably doing it because nothing could be so boring as watching a propellor shaft revolve normally!!!!!!!!! and hey they want people to join the RN and so try and make things happen that dont happen - in other words a SOAP.

Chris.

Peter4447
26th May 2008, 22:16
Having just watched the latest instalment of the 'Illustrious' I cannot help but wonder what has happened to all the Chief and Petty Officers? Long regarded as the backbone of any crew they seemed to be conspicuous only by their absence!
Peter(Smoke)

Philthechill
26th May 2008, 22:19
Well, having seen episode 2 (of this depressing view of our navy) I find the diagnosis by the Commander (E) of the cause of the score-mark on the shaft complete and utter sh1te and concur with both Dave and Santos. It's all a set-up aimed at non-technical people who will swallow this rubbish.

Actually, looking back at the episode, last year, when those sad sacks were taken prisoner by Iran, this expose will do little to make the RN look much better. Peter's right too, where are the CPO's who would have soon have whipped this lot into a crew. Probably that's why they aren't around any more as there would be all kinds of law-suits flying from the "poor souls" who wouldn't be able to accept the old discipline which those old-style Masters etc, would have handed out, claiming bullying etc.! Salaams, Phil(Hippy)

HALLLINE
27th May 2008, 20:00
Now we are at Malta, what WAS wrong with the shaft ?,if anything.
Dave

Peter Dryden
27th May 2008, 21:07
The thing that stood out in my mind was that there was not enough crew to line the deck, presumeably due to cutbacks they are severly undercrewed? a fact that seemed to suprise the Commander.

Peter

Chouan
27th May 2008, 21:32
"I had to pull apart two "officers" who were beating the snot out of each other and proclaiming in broad northern accents that the other guy was looking at his "woman". At the time I remember thinking how I had only been out of the RN for 6 years and already it was going down the toilet."

Because they were fighting? Because one was looking at the other's "woman"? Or because the were speaking in "broad northern accents"? (whatever they are, could you not tell which ones?)
Curious set of reasons. Which is the most important?

AncientBrit
27th May 2008, 21:50
If you have to ask that question the answer I might give would be obviously wasted on you.
However, I think most who have served in the Grey Flu will understand.
AB

James_C
28th May 2008, 11:39
Chouan,
Perhaps we need a return to all Officers being "Gentlemen of quality".
Aye - as if they ever existed in the first place!

Chouan
28th May 2008, 11:56
Quite.
All three criticisms in the post in question seemed to be given equal consideration; I'm not sure how "broad northern accents" detract form being an "officer". In any case, given that AncientBrit was discussing the RN pre-1972, I rather got the impression that these "officers" aquitted themselves fairly well in the Falklands, despite their "broad northern accents", or perhaps I'm mistaken? Perhaps those who did well were only those who spoke with regional southern accents?

moaf
28th May 2008, 12:20
I find most of the comments degrading the RN here are written by most of the dinosaurs of the old days.

My 19 year old sister is on Illustrious and they are coming home after a deployment abroad. Maybe it's the fault of the RN to allow cameras an access all areas view of life aboard - a few years ago this would never happen. Also, the likes of the facists at the Daily Mail putting full page spreads about the crew getting drunk and upsetting the Turks, which is doing nothing for the popularity of the modern RN.

I have never been RN, but would ask all you old sailors to consider this - crew levels are less than half of the old days, increasing individuals workload. They are going to make mistakes that are picked up by camera and the reason you didn't make mistakes is no camera picked it up.
They are also going to go ashore and get drunk - but again, no reporters ever saw you do it so obviously you didn't

twogrumpy
28th May 2008, 19:52
MOAF, you are wrong to say that TV cameras would not have been allowed on a warship a few years ago.
There was a series on the real Ark Royal in 1976, and though possibly not as down to earth as what has been shown of the Illustrious, but do not think it could have been classed as just a recruiting film for the RN.
To be fair, what we expect a couple of hundred testosterone filled youngsters to do after being cooped up in a ship at sea for several weeks, drinking large am mounts of beer seems reasonable. Not so sure about the cross dressing though.
As for the tail shaft, think they could have got a better story together, the female 2 & 1/2 ringer did not impress me much, sexist?, possibly.
twogrumpy

HALLLINE
28th May 2008, 19:53
moaf, it's called freedom of the press and we should be glad we've got it.
MN or RN, we've all been there and done it, but I must say, I've never gone ashore dressed as a woman.
Dave

Philthechill
28th May 2008, 23:22
Moaf! G'day! You are a Chief Engineer yourself and you've got to admit, undermanned or not (somehow in The Merch we managed to handle watch-keeping, maintenance etc. etc. with much lower staffing-levels than "The Andrew") the E.R. people on Illustrious don't come across as too bright and the lady-engineer doesn't seem to have much of a way of explaining technical things. I'm of the opinion she works on "The Mushroom Principle" ("keep them in the dark and feed them on sh1te") as I'm still no wiser exactly what the problem with the starboard pro-shaft was!!!
As to the "fascist" Daily Mail showing photo's of some of the female crew baring all and the blokes poncing around dressed as women-----------------when they were ashore in Turkey,well what do you expect they're going to do when presented with these sort of pictures? Naturally they're going to show them. As to them showing the RN in a bad light! They were no worse at showing the RN negatively than hearing about that sailor crying himself to sleep when the Iranians took his I-pod off him when they were captured last year!!Salaams, Phil(Hippy)

Santos
28th May 2008, 23:39
All I can say is I am glad I didnt have a film crew following me around in the 60s when we went ashore to enjoy ourselves, I would never have gone home, and if I had I doubt my mother would have let me in. I am not ashamed, I didnt committ any crimes, not that I know of anyway, I just enjoyed myself in OK I admit often foolish behaviour, but that was part of growing up.

I feel sorry for the RN ,the lack of a British Merchant Navy now makes them prime targets for such documentaries and who amongst us ex MN, hand on heart, didnt act on occassions in a similar way to the way they do now.

Chris.

makko
28th May 2008, 23:59
Phil,
I am of course MN not RN, but the brother of a great mate of mine, ex Shell, was an eng.off. on the Invincible during the Falklands. We were more interested in anecdotes regarding Prince Andrew. However, I did ask him about the differences and they are many. Officers don't do maintenance, that is for Artificers and Ratings. When the end came in BF, a few lads tried to join the RN to fast track a BSc in engineering. The RN would not have them except as ratings! Something to do with "their way" and "a lack of discipline". I suppose, reading the fine print, it was more bullsh1t and pink gins rather than hands-on stuff. Remember the RN officers are even trained to speak the RN way too!

As to crewing levels, I believe that is to do with "survivability" and overlap. I remember the company regs in BF. They harked back to bitter experience gleaned during WW2: It was every man for himself if abandoning the ER etc. Survivability again, the retention of skills. As to the cameras, well I go with Santos, its SOAP, pointless, mindless "entertainment".

I dearly hope that I haven't ruffled anyone's feathers as that was not my intention! If so, Phil, pass me the humble pie!

So, what DID happen to the shaft?

Rgds.
Dave

Philthechill
29th May 2008, 00:07
Dave!
The last person to ask about that prop-shaft would be the lady two-and-a-half-ringer as I doubt if she knows either!!!

Actually I had first-hand experience of an ex-RN Engineer-Officer (Lt. Com.(E) Harty) when I was in Brock's.
He had accepted his "golden bowler" in 1961 when there were massive cut-backs being made in the RN and joined Brock's as a 2/E.

Unfortunately he was used to having billions of blokes working under him and didn't realise that he was as much a part of the working ER staff as the lowliest member of the ER crowd. He was about as much use as the proverbial a**e-pocket in a vest and would just sit in his cabin all day issuing orders. I posted a yarn about the coastal I did with him on the Brocklebank Forum. In all fairness he was very clever academically but, "hands-on"?----hopeless! Phil(Hippy)

R736476
29th May 2008, 09:15
Dave!

Actually I had first-hand experience of an ex-RN Engineer-Officer (Lt. Com.(E) Harty) when I was in Brock's.
He had accepted his "golden bowler" in 1961 when there were massive cut-backs being made in the RN and joined Brock's as a 2/E.

Phil(Hippy)

Phil,
I wonder if Lt Com.(E) Harty was the same guy we had as Second Engineer on RFA Wave Ruler in 1963? Struggled.
Cheers,
Alex

Philthechill
29th May 2008, 10:33
Phil,
I wonder if Lt Com.(E) Harty was the same guy we had as Second Engineer on RFA Wave Ruler in 1963? Struggled.
Cheers,
Alex Dave! I shouldn't be at all surprised if it wasn't the same bloke as I know he didn't last very long with Brock's. He was tallish, very slim and always, but always, wore gloves and a cravat on the rare occasions he visited the engine-room.
I was his (first trip) Junior on 4-8 and talk about the blind leading the blind! He hadn't a great deal of knowledge about running an engine-room, at sea, and if anything fazed him he wouldn't hesitate to call Stan McGuigan (S3/E) out of his cabin to sort it out. Poor old Stan was just about on his beam-ends when we eventually paid-off! Phil(Hippy)

R736476
29th May 2008, 16:39
Dave! I shouldn't be at all surprised if it wasn't the same bloke as I know he didn't last very long with Brock's. He was tallish, very slim and always, but always, wore gloves and a cravat on the rare occasions he visited the engine-room.
I was his (first trip) Junior on 4-8 and talk about the blind leading the blind! He hadn't a great deal of knowledge about running an engine-room, at sea, and if anything fazed him he wouldn't hesitate to call Stan McGuigan (S3/E) out of his cabin to sort it out. Poor old Stan was just about on his beam-ends when we eventually paid-off! Phil(Hippy)

Phil,
That's definitely him with the gloves, cravat and very slim! He had to stand the 4-8 watch as 2/E. He had never seen or run an engineroom like a Wave's before, or experienced our firemen and greasers! I don't think he lasted. Small world!
Cheers,
Alex

twogrumpy
29th May 2008, 19:32
We had an ex RN engineer officer as a super. in BP, not sure if he ever did any sea time with us.
There was a rumour that his sole claim to fame was wrecking a set of gearing on a Daring class destroyer, sounds right.
Uncertain if he was on the same planet, certainly not on the same ship as the rest of us.
One of the few things he got right, was a complaint to the C/E that the Lecky was a very morose person, too right.
twogrumpy

martinfbrown
8th June 2008, 22:13
Hi,
My experience of Royal Navy engineers, is that they would not know a spanner from a screwdriver!!!!!
martin

HALLLINE
9th June 2008, 10:45
We have an ex commander (E) in our local British classic bike club, but he must be a rarity as he is both knowledgeable and Practical.
Dave

RayJordandpo
9th June 2008, 11:27
Tut,tut,tut,
Whatever is our 'Senior Service' coming to. Allowing in officers with
"broad northern accents" This immoral practice must be stopped immediately.
Before you know it we will have Admirals and Captains from places such as Newcastle or or even little Northern villages such as Marton. It doesn't bear thinking about that we could have serving officers from irrelevant backwaters as Burnham Thorpe. God forbid! they will be allowing the sons of farm labourers to serve if we don't do something quickly, or even worse the sons of excise officers!

Chouan
9th June 2008, 11:35
Or people from Cheshire, or even Dublin.

Philthechill
9th June 2008, 12:07
Ah'll tell tha what, yon Cooke bloke who discovered various parts of t'World when 'e were in t'Navy, were from Whitby and ah'll bet 'e spoke wi' an accent tha could have cut wi' a knife, e'd a bin so broad. So if tha' gets a few officers in t' modern Navy, speaking wi' less than a cut-glass accent it proves one thing, if nowt else. What were good enough in Cooke's day is all reet to-day!! Phil ("Yorkshire borne and Yorkshire bred! Strong in t'arm 'an thick in t'ead!" But, for all that, I'm a peaceable sort of bloke and any of you lot as disagrees then ah'll fight tha to prove it)(Hippy)

Chouan
9th June 2008, 12:11
Actually, he is the bloke mentioned by RayJordandpo from Marton, and people from Marton don't speak anything like that. Indeed, they'd be horrified that anybody thought that they did. They'll be choking on their cucumber sandwiches at the Cricket Club as we speak.

RayJordandpo
9th June 2008, 12:18
Tha's nowt so queer as folk!

jaydeeare
9th June 2008, 12:40
In last week's episode, was I seeing things, or were there Officers actually in the 'tin room' doing the washing up after the BBQ?

In all the years I spent in the RAF, I NEVER saw an Officer doing such 'menial' work. OK, they served the Airmen during Christmas Dinner, but washing up? NEVER!

Whatever is the Andrew coming to these days!

Peter4447
9th June 2008, 12:49
You were not seeing things!
Peter
(Grey Funnel dinosaur)

Chouan
9th June 2008, 12:52
Ah'll tell tha what, yon Cooke bloke who discovered various parts of t'World when 'e were in t'Navy, were from Whitby and ah'll bet 'e spoke wi' an accent tha could have cut wi' a knife, e'd a bin so broad. So if tha' gets a few officers in t' modern Navy, speaking wi' less than a cut-glass accent it proves one thing, if nowt else. What were good enough in Cooke's day is all reet to-day!! Phil ("Yorkshire borne and Yorkshire bred! Strong in t'arm 'an thick in t'ead!" But, for all that, I'm a peaceable sort of bloke and any of you lot as disagrees then ah'll fight tha to prove it)(Hippy)

Come to think of it, people from Whitby don't speak anything like that either.

Philthechill
9th June 2008, 13:41
Come to think of it, people from Whitby don't speak anything like that either. Eh-up Chouan! Like ah said Ah'm a peaceable sort of cove but tha's starting to get me dander up and Ah'll tell tha summat fer nowt, when me danders up tha'd best start ducking fer cover. Ah's got a feeling tha's tekking t'ssip outta me and if ah can find out where tha's living it'll be out wi' me Zimmer, get me flat 'at on, whippet strainin' at t'leash and ah'll be round to your 'ouse and ah'll gi' thee such a smack round t'chops you'll think it's next week!! T'istory books say Jimmie Cooke kem from Whitby and that'll do fer me. I'll bet tha comes from down south too! Cheeky varmint!!Phil(Hippy)

Chouan
9th June 2008, 13:54
No. From further north than you, I think; assuming County Durham is further north than your place of origin? In any case James Cook was born in Marton, North Yorkshire, and initially sailed from Staithes.

Peter4447
9th June 2008, 13:56
Hey up Phil!
History books say Captain Cook was born in the village of Marton near Middlesbrough so when you go charging up the A1 (on your zimmer) you'll have to shout "H'way the lads" as your battle cry!
Peter(Jester)

Orbitaman
9th June 2008, 14:07
Phil,

Your 'istry books wrong! James Cook (without the 'e') was born in a farm labourers cottage in the village of Marton, now a suburb of the 'Boro'. He was schooled at Great Ayton in North Yorkshire and then indentured to a merchant in Whitby - hence the link with the town.

The Captain Cook birthplace musem is located in Stewart's Park, Middlesbrough, probably no more than a stones throw from the site of the cotrtage where he was born.

BTW, a little bird tells me that Chouan is a monkey hanger by birth, but we can't hold that against him. After all, he had no choice in the matter, as that was the nearesr maternity hospital to where his parents lived when he was born!

Orbitaman
9th June 2008, 14:10
Hey up Phil!
History books say Captain Cook was born in the village of Marton near Middlesbrough so when you go charging up the A1 (on your zimmer) you'll have to shout "H'way the lads" as your battle cry!
Peter(Jester)

Peter,

You battle cry is 30 miles short! AND up the wrong road! Should be the A19.

'C'mon Boro' would be better.

Bring on the parmos and Newboulds pork pies!

Peter4447
9th June 2008, 14:16
I 'umbly apologises Phil - 'tis more years than I care to remember since I served in the finest Regiment in the British Army - Middlesbrough's own: "The Green Howards"
Peter(Smoke)

lesbryan
9th June 2008, 15:43
A few years ago i visited the birmingham in hull !!.When we pulled up on the jetty the ship was red with rust(never in my time would that be allowed).When we got onboard and had a look round the inside of the ship was worse.We went in one of the after messes and it was manky .chatting over a can i asked questions!.the answers i got were as follows We dont paint side the dockies do ot when we get back to pompey !!.We dont clean the messes only keep them tidy the cleaners clean then when we get back to pompey and so .a bit a bit different to the navy i was in !.We had rounds every saturday morning at sea ether the captain or jimmy evening round wether at sea or not .As far as the side is concerned !1.we would drop anchor !bosuns chairs over the side and paint the side (and anything else that looked as if it could do with a lick of paint !!.For entering harbour so we looked all shipshape and tiddley.They were the days .Evan when we were going to hong kong where jenny would do it all again .that was the R N i was in

Philthechill
9th June 2008, 15:52
I tell tha' what Peter, owd lad, it should be me aplogising to you bein' as you're a man of t'cloth!
All ah've done is threaten to knuckle people if they carry on insultin' us folk from oop North then blow me if yon Chouan fella comes out saying he's from further up North than me!
He may well be from British West Hartlepool but, tha' knows, yon spot is gettin' a bit too close to them Jocks and we all know how their funny accent sounds------------------!
Any road, Peter, just to let you know that I'll curb me violent streak (fer now) but if that there Chouan strikes up again I'll not be responsible for me actions. Dunno if t'old Zimmer will stand a trip to 'artlepool but when needs must tha's got to give it yer best shot, tha' knows! Tara fer now! (Non-violent) Phil(Hippy)

william dillon
9th June 2008, 20:30
I tell tha' what Peter, owd lad, it should be me aplogising to you bein' as you're a man of t'cloth!
All ah've done is threaten to knuckle people if they carry on insultin' us folk from oop North then blow me if yon Chouan fella comes out saying he's from further up North than me!
He may well be from British West Hartlepool but, tha' knows, yon spot is gettin' a bit too close to them Jocks and we all know how their funny accent sounds------------------!
Any road, Peter, just to let you know that I'll curb me violent streak (fer now) but if that there Chouan strikes up again I'll not be responsible for me actions. Dunno if t'old Zimmer will stand a trip to 'artlepool but when needs must tha's got to give it yer best shot, tha' knows! Tara fer now! (Non-violent) Phil(Hippy)

(Jester) Absolutely brilliant, Phil, I am pi**ing myself laughing at your comments & "accent" & I'm even further north than most of you.(==D)

Chouan
9th June 2008, 22:49
I tell tha' what Peter, owd lad, it should be me aplogising to you bein' as you're a man of t'cloth!
All ah've done is threaten to knuckle people if they carry on insultin' us folk from oop North then blow me if yon Chouan fella comes out saying he's from further up North than me!
He may well be from British West Hartlepool but, tha' knows, yon spot is gettin' a bit too close to them Jocks and we all know how their funny accent sounds------------------!
Any road, Peter, just to let you know that I'll curb me violent streak (fer now) but if that there Chouan strikes up again I'll not be responsible for me actions. Dunno if t'old Zimmer will stand a trip to 'artlepool but when needs must tha's got to give it yer best shot, tha' knows! Tara fer now! (Non-violent) Phil(Hippy)

What's West got to do with hanging monkeys? Mind you, what would someone from the Midlands know about it.....

Philthechill
12th June 2008, 19:50
Ah were fair choked when ah see's that message from that there Billy Dillon an' ah thought, "Tha knows summat, Phil, yon bloke sounds like he's got a bit of nous about 'im an' bein' as he lives up in Scotland he could well be closer to British West Hartlepool where yon Chouan 'angs out, than my 'ouse, and he may just be t' right bloke to go and give 'im a clout round t'lugs fer bein' so lippy. That Chouan is more 'n likely to be not a bad bloke but 'e's gi'n me a reet bit o' grief ower last few days so ah thinks a quick dab round 'is lugs 'll just waken the little b****r up an' teach 'im tha mustn't get a Yorkshire blokes dander up or you'll find out which side yer breads buttered on." What d'ya say Billy ist' tha' game for a quick visit to BWH?

Ah'll tell thee all summat else an' all about yon Illustrious. Ah doesn't reckon it's a reet good scheme having them there young fillies on board! They'll cause nowt but mischief. In fact there's a couple b*******g about now and 'er wi' a bloke back 'ome an' all. Poor s*d 'e's seeing it all on t' telly an' all. All 'is mates 'll be taking t'ssip out on 'im ah shouldn't wonder.
Any road that's me for t'neet on 'ere. There's me pigs to get fothered-up, whippet to tek oot and me gardin to watter. Tara! Phil(Hippy)

Chouan
12th June 2008, 23:03
"Can I point out" Chouan said wearily, "that there is West Hartlepool, and there is Hartlepool. Hartlepool is where they dealt severely with very hairy French spies, West Hartlepool, or 'West', was built in the 1840s, and Chouan's origins are in Hartlepool, NOT WEST!"
In any case he lives near Cambridge, despite his Co.Durham roots, so your Celtic friend would have a long drive!

william dillon
14th June 2008, 21:27
Ah were fair choked when ah see's that message from that there Billy Dillon an' ah thought, "Tha knows summat, Phil, yon bloke sounds like he's got a bit of nous about 'im an' bein' as he lives up in Scotland he could well be closer to British West Hartlepool where yon Chouan 'angs out, than my 'ouse, and he may just be t' right bloke to go and give 'im a clout round t'lugs fer bein' so lippy. That Chouan is more 'n likely to be not a bad bloke but 'e's gi'n me a reet bit o' grief ower last few days so ah thinks a quick dab round 'is lugs 'll just waken the little b****r up an' teach 'im tha mustn't get a Yorkshire blokes dander up or you'll find out which side yer breads buttered on." What d'ya say Billy ist' tha' game for a quick visit to BWH?

Ah'll tell thee all summat else an' all about yon Illustrious. Ah doesn't reckon it's a reet good scheme having them there young fillies on board! They'll cause nowt but mischief. In fact there's a couple b*******g about now and 'er wi' a bloke back 'ome an' all. Poor s*d 'e's seeing it all on t' telly an' all. All 'is mates 'll be taking t'ssip out on 'im ah shouldn't wonder.
Any road that's me for t'neet on 'ere. There's me pigs to get fothered-up, whippet to tek oot and me gardin to watter. Tara! Phil(Hippy)

Phil,
Just let me know which injections I need to visit BWH & I'm on my way.....(Jester)

Philthechill
17th June 2008, 07:15
Reet Billy owld lad. As far as ah knows tha'll need t'usual cholera, yellow-fever and get yer smallpox up ter date. As far as ah'm aware there's no greater chance of gettin' that there HVI, or whitever it's called, in BWH than anywhere else e'en though we all knows that them folk in BWH 'ave a funny attitude to monkeys (which we all kna are t'main carriers of that there IHV) if tha knows whit ah mean. Ah mean if them folk in BWH 'ang monkeys then whitever else do they do tiv 'em??? Eh? Eh? Eh?
Hooiver, be that as it may, yon Chouan 'as let slip 'e's not livin' in BWH now 'as 'e's emigrated "doon South" (bit of Scottish there Billy Boy ter mek yer feel at 'ome!) so tha'll mebbe 'av e a bit longer journey to think on. But tha'll still need to get yer jabs done just t' be on t'safe side!!
If tha' 'as got one o' them there GPS gizmo's fitted on yer Zimmer tha'll not 'ave a great problem in findin' yer way. If tha's not ah'll get me "Baedecker Guide to Great Britain" which fell out of a German bomber during t'war when the varmint were bombin' York. Bugger nearly flattened our 'ouse when 'e must 'ave chickened out 'an dropped 'is bombs early---------------wimp! Any road I'll dig 'er out 'an let tha' know 'ow ter get to yon Camebridge (we'er Chouan 'is skulkin' now). Me Baedecker Guide is a bit tatty but ah do know it shows t'Great North Road (well most on it as there's t'remains of a jam samwidge between Donnie and Grantham might mek it a bit tricky to read) on it.
Ah tell tha' what, Billy Boy, yon Chouan'll be quakin' in 'is clogs now ah'll be bound!
Any road let me know when tha's got vittled-up fer yer journey 'an ah'll join-up with tha' on yer way South. We'll arrange t'best place to meet-up when tha's ready fer yer journey.
Ah tell tha summat else an' all, Billy old lad, gettin' me dander up like yon Chouan 'as done 'as done wonders fer me arthuritis! It only teks me two hours ter get down t'shops now but befower Chouan got up to 'is tricks it'd tek me owt up to a couple o' days!
Any road Billy, ah's off now. Let me know when tha's settin' off ter discipline yon Chouan an' don't forget to bring yer "Glossary of Northern Dialects" with tha' so's we can re-educate yon Chouan! Ta-ra fer now! Phil(Hippy)

Chouan
17th June 2008, 08:42
To repeat myself, although I'm getting used to this, the people of West Hartlepool have no problem with monkeys at all, and never have done. Any monkey is safe in West. Go there and look at the people and you will see that this is true.
However, go to the Headland, and you will find that monkeys are not safe. Mind you, you'll have to negotiate Throston Bridge that isn't there any more.

K urgess
17th June 2008, 10:58
It seems to me that this is just a wee bit off topic and, although it seems quite lighthearted and jocular in tone, it's run its course and now is the time to get back to the original purpose of this thread, Gentlemen.
Thankyou
Kris

Philthechill
17th June 2008, 13:05
In last nights programme, about Illustrious, the young stewardess who has taken a bit of a shine to one of the engine-room crowd went to see the Lt. Cdr. (E) and said she fancied re-mustering to the engine-room. The lady engineer agreed to a trial-run and the young lass had a day wandering round the engine-room in the company of one of the stokers (sorry "Marine Engineers"!!!!). He set her first "diagnostic" task, in the female showers, by leaving the shower valve cracked open so it appeared to be leaking. However, being as sharp as a sausage, the lass soon sussed-out that it was a set-up and "passed" the test with flying colours!!!!!
After spending the rest of the day doing nothing in particular in the engine-room she went up top and then passed-out from "heat-stroke".
After recovering she then went to see the lady-engineer (who carries enough skin-care products, in her locker, to replenish Boots should they ever run-out!) who having assessed the makee-learner's days progress but, crucially, ignoring the "heat-stroke" incident, passed her as worthy of being capable of joining "The Black Gang".
If the lass flakes-out after just being in the engine-room God knows what she will be like if ever she has to do physical work in high-temperature conditions! (Marconi Sahib! Your bollocking has paid-off and I'm back on track!) Phil(Hippy)

waldziu
17th June 2008, 14:05
Philthechill, your right. How would she manage doing some hard graft in the tropics. With regard to the engine change at sea, well anchor. I was lucky to get my self on the engine change crew for the Exeter in Mombasa. (British Airways, Club Class flight to Nairobi) They only had to pull it straight out, we on the other hand had to remove the air intake chamber/baffles/filters. Then put rails in and wheels on the engine and hoist it out with a dockside crane with local crane drive. What fun we had.

I'm not complaining, as six days in a hotel and a few runs to the Sunshine bar can't be all bad.

william dillon
17th June 2008, 22:53
It seems to me that this is just a wee bit off topic and, although it seems quite lighthearted and jocular in tone, it's run its course and now is the time to get back to the original purpose of this thread, Gentlemen.
Thankyou
Kris

(Thumb) I think you are right mate, you just saved me a trip down south..(Jester)

william dillon
17th June 2008, 22:56
In last nights programme, about Illustrious, the young stewardess who has taken a bit of a shine to one of the engine-room crowd went to see the Lt. Cdr. (E) and said she fancied re-mustering to the engine-room. The lady engineer agreed to a trial-run and the young lass had a day wandering round the engine-room in the company of one of the stokers (sorry "Marine Engineers"!!!!). He set her first "diagnostic" task, in the female showers, by leaving the shower valve cracked open so it appeared to be leaking. However, being as sharp as a sausage, the lass soon sussed-out that it was a set-up and "passed" the test with flying colours!!!!!
After spending the rest of the day doing nothing in particular in the engine-room she went up top and then passed-out from "heat-stroke".
After recovering she then went to see the lady-engineer (who carries enough skin-care products, in her locker, to replenish Boots should they ever run-out!) who having assessed the makee-learner's days progress but, crucially, ignoring the "heat-stroke" incident, passed her as worthy of being capable of joining "The Black Gang".
If the lass flakes-out after just being in the engine-room God knows what she will be like if ever she has to do physical work in high-temperature conditions! (Marconi Sahib! Your bollocking has paid-off and I'm back on track!) Phil(Hippy)

Don't worry Phil, our time will come..LOL(Thumb) (Jester)

william dillon
17th June 2008, 22:58
After watching that programme last night...........God help us................

slick
18th June 2008, 06:29
All,
Why don't some of us just lighten up a little!!?
Yours aye
Slick

jaydeeare
18th June 2008, 12:04
I liked the way the WRN Sub-Lt handed in her Resignation and just walked off the ship at the next port of call, just because she didn't like the job she was doing and couldn't transfer to a shore job!

What would happen in a war?

What are Officers made of these days?

signalman
18th June 2008, 13:11
As they used to say, in all the Services - 'If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined'. Signalman.

senior pilot
18th June 2008, 14:57
she will sue for compo next unfair dissmisal alex

Philthechill
18th June 2008, 15:18
All,
Why don't some of us just lighten up a little!!?
Yours aye
Slick Slick! Salaams! We can't possibly lighten-up when there's criticism of young people to be handed-out! It's called jealousy! If we agreed with all they were doing we'd have nowt to be nostalgic about!! Cheers bud! Phil(Hippy)

CEYLON220
20th June 2008, 09:54
The truth is shipmates, that the mistake the Royal Navy made was to let women loose aboard warships and what does a woman want to be an engineer for , this is a mans job, as an ex CPO she was only guessing at the faults and hoping the LM(E) would come up with the answers. As for the prop shaft being painted, well all RN ships that I served on prop shafts and bearing covers were all painted grey and as you all say ,the bearings were worn to cause the marks but the woman knows best, don`t argue with an Eng Lt Cdr.
I paid a visit to our local RN recruiting office to have a chat with the lads there and asked how the recruiting was going " no one wants to join the RN and see the world these days" and again the women came into the vocabulary,sorry lads as an engineer in my navy days I could`nt work under a woman. To me there is too much relaxation between the officer and the ratings, in my time if you looked x eyed at an officer you were put on a charge, that guy who went for a kip and had the whole ships company looking for him got away light, it would have been DQs in my day(1953/73)
or am I being too hard in my response. If a piece of machinery was faulty we sorted out the fault and repaired it ourselves not return to harbour and have the dockyard do it for us.
The program of the carrier does nothing for the Navy.

Ex Navy.

william dillon
20th June 2008, 20:57
The truth is shipmates, that the mistake the Royal Navy made was to let women loose aboard warships and what does a woman want to be an engineer for , this is a mans job, as an ex CPO she was only guessing at the faults and hoping the LM(E) would come up with the answers. As for the prop shaft being painted, well all RN ships that I served on prop shafts and bearing covers were all painted grey and as you all say ,the bearings were worn to cause the marks but the woman knows best, don`t argue with an Eng Lt Cdr.
I paid a visit to our local RN recruiting office to have a chat with the lads there and asked how the recruiting was going " no one wants to join the RN and see the world these days" and again the women came into the vocabulary,sorry lads as an engineer in my navy days I could`nt work under a woman. To me there is too much relaxation between the officer and the ratings, in my time if you looked x eyed at an officer you were put on a charge, that guy who went for a kip and had the whole ships company looking for him got away light, it would have been DQs in my day(1953/73)
or am I being too hard in my response. If a piece of machinery was faulty we sorted out the fault and repaired it ourselves not return to harbour and have the dockyard do it for us.
The program of the carrier does nothing for the Navy.

Ex Navy.

I agree entirely with you, this programme does absolutely nothing for the R.N.
It is a feeble attempt to relive the series which featured the "Ark Royal" many years ago.(Cloud)

slick
20th June 2008, 21:39
All,
There have been some disparaging observations re Female Engineers, I must declare an interest in that my daughter is a time served engineer, Fitter, Maker, Turner, type with Design and Costing chucked in for good measure.
Engineering is a state of mind not a badge of male virility.
Oh!, yes, she has travelled to China in a quest for her firm she can more than hold her own in the pertinent company, shades of Victoria Drummond!
Yours aye,
Slick

MM˛
21st June 2008, 10:05
I found the program a bit depressing. But then remembered that WW2 was won by the civilians who were called up (from all over the Empire) and fought with tremendous bravery. The MN deserve at least as much glory as accorded to Battle of Britain Pilots. We should remember that the MN were the only truly professional seamen - I sometimes wonder if that's why they got rid of us - that rabble on the Illustrious don't cut the mustard.

Philthechill
21st June 2008, 14:24
All,
There have been some disparaging observations re Female Engineers, I must declare an interest in that my daughter is a time served engineer, Fitter, Maker, Turner, type with Design and Costing chucked in for good measure.
Engineering is a state of mind not a badge of male virility.
Oh!, yes, she has travelled to China in a quest for her firm she can more than hold her own in the pertinent company, shades of Victoria Drummond!
Yours aye,
Slick Slick! Salaams! I'm quite sure that the disparaging remarks being made are not being directed at the female Engineer Officer, because she's female, they would be equally scathing if it was a bloke as she doesn't really seem to know a great deal about the job.

In fact I made some very negative comments about a male ex-RN Engineer Officer (Lt. Cdr.(E) Harty) we had in Brocklebanks. His (paper) qualifications were as high as you could get but practically he was about as much use as the proverbial a**e-pocket in a vest. I have no doubt, whatsoever, your daughter IS a good engineer but the lady Engineer Officer we are seeing, on TV, is a typical RN (Officer) product----------very clever academically but not really brilliant hands-on. As a matter of interest what branch of engineering is your daughter in?Cheers, Phil(Hippy)
Phil

waldziu
22nd June 2008, 15:55
Once again I find my self totally agreeing with you philthechill. In the 24 years that I seved in the 'Marine Engineering Branch' of the RN, I had many an engineer who was good at the books. That is apart from the ones that came up through from the ranks of the 'tiff' (spit).

One, on his evening rounds, asked me when I was diesel generator watch keeper if I had checked the oil level on the turbo blower. No said I, Why not said he? Because there is now way of checking as it is connected to the forced lub system.

On a later trip the same engineer ask me why there was no brine density reading for the evaporators and instructed me to carry out one there and then in front of him. Fills sampling pot and tosses in hydrometer and thermometer in and listen to them both drop to the bottom of the pot.

O! I forgot to mention we were in the Baltic.