What's the biggest B*llocking you ever had?

15th August 2008, 21:02
Having spent weeks at anchor off Odessa on the Ripon Grange, we went alongside to discharge our grain cargo. On the other side of the jetty, was a Harrison line boat, Strategist,and I had arranged with the R/O that we would exchange the Walport movies if possible. So, negotiations with the guard on the gangway (lots of cigarettes and chocolate) enabled myself and the 3/O to get a box across the jetty, then more cigarettes got us on the Stategist. A quick beer with the Sparks and we made it back to our ship.
Everyone was chuffed - we had had the same movies for weeks, so it was a full house that night for the movie show.
Half way through the 1st reel, the door to the bar crashed open, and 2 Russian soldiers demanded to see the Captain. The OM went out to see what they wanted, and about 5 min later, I was called up to the OM's office.
Apparently it was forbidden to visit any other vessels, and as for exchanging movies, well I thought I was on the way to Siberia. I had to stand to attention in front of the biggest Russian Officer - and for 10 min got the biggest bollocking (all in Russian!) that I've ever had. He then made it clear that I had to take the box of movies back. What they he did not know was we had 2 boxes, so I took the other box across, and swapped it for the Strategist's other box!
Mind you I don't know where I got the courage from to do that, I shudder to think what the lecture would have been if they twigged.
I must have got the gangway guards into a bit off bother.....

15th August 2008, 21:58
In the early 70's, when Mao Tse-Tung was still running the show, we were discharging grain in Dairen, the Peoples Republic of China, also after several days at anchor. It was nothing like the China you see on the tv now. One day three soldiers came aboard and went into the old man's cabin. I was called in and the old man asked me why the radar had been on when we were at anchor, as we had been instructed not to make any form of radio transmission in chinese waters. I admitted I had done some work on the 10cm radar (then something of a novelty on a british ship), and that I didn't think radars counted. (They had however monitored the transmission for the short time it was on).
The officer, (at least I think he was an officer because there was no insignia on the uniforms, but the other two soldiers were standing back and holding very crude looking Kalashnikovs), explained to me in perfect english that it did matter, and that the event was being taken very seriously. (He was scary this guy I can tell you).
Then he told the old man that all ships officers were to get on a bus at the bottom of the gangway. The old man started to protest, talking about working cargo and such but the officer merely nodded at his soldiers and there were two ominous clicks of safetys being pushed down. The old man looked at me and said, “Round everybody up and tell them to get on that f**king bus.”

Actually the bus took us to a show, all acrobats and dancing and in all fairness it was pretty good. They even gave us a free bottle of beer. Nothing more was said, but I can tell you, they had us running scared for a moment there.(EEK)

21st August 2008, 20:11
Transmitting when the Old Man was trying to listen to his favourite programme on BBC Overseas Servce!

21st August 2008, 23:00
The biggest b----ing I got was when we went to shanghei on th Elpenor in 55 I was galley boy doing afternoon prep and was told not to open the outside galley door but I kept the half door open, there was a guard onthe gangway with a Rifle looking shoreside I heard a tap on the door it was a coolie and he pointed to his mouth asking for food, there was some cheese from lunch so I gave him some in between two slices of bread but as he walked away the guard gave him a almighty smack on the head and started sceaming at me I thought he was going to shoot me; the officer on watch calmed him down but Captain hole gave me a right going over in front of the chinese rep but later after we left he told me to forget it but I never have to this day it still sticks in my mind what happed to the guy the dragged away. Tony Allen

22nd August 2008, 17:53
In a Force 10 SE of the Azores and another just off the SW coast of Norway With a 7 ton piece of equipment leeping about the upper deck.

22nd August 2008, 18:27
Transmitting when the Old Man was trying to listen to his favourite programme on BBC Overseas Servce!

Totally agree with that , First trip On the Pando Cove, Captains name was
E A Mortleman-Lewis , had a Blue Duster , I think he was on the KGV when it went after the Bismark, we carried 12 passengers , they all used to gather round the Radio at 1800 GMT for the BBC World News as soon as Old Lilly Bolero started up Woe betide the sparks who went near the key until 1815

of course the Mates used to bring in the 1800 OBS so that was on hold then we started straight away at 1815

29th August 2008, 16:42
Had a couple of "ladies" onboard when anchored at Singapore, overnight we went into the container terminal and couldn't get the ladies off. Managed to get them away on the pilots launch on departure, but got a huge bollocking for that. Another time sneaking back onto the ship in Sidi Bou Said(?) (Tunis) when the guards refused to let us in the main gate - my mate got his manhood caught in the barbed wire on the fence and was in a bit of a state when he fell on top of me, alerting the guards etc. He went to hospital - I went somewhere else.....happy days.

3rd October 2008, 21:59
At a Jeddah in the Red Sea, me and the Ch/Eng were taking pictures of Muslims getting of an old ferry and then into buses to start their trip to Mecca.
The armed guards saw us and rush onboard to the old man. He called for us and they wanted to confiscate our cameras. After a few cortons of cigs it was agreed to remove and spoil the film. We both went away and got the cameras, film removed and burned with a fag lighter. We go a bollocking of the old man and then the guards then left.
Then the old man sat us down and geve us a beer, then told us that he was taking pics of the Russian warships, out of his bathroom window when the guards stormed in!
We had a beer and a good laugh. Then I told them that I had finished my film taking the pics and had just reloaded. When the guards had burned was blank film - still have the pictures!

6th October 2008, 15:24
As a first trip J/R/O, from the Old Man, a gentleman, the gentlest of b********gs after a run ashore in LM (as it was then) with some of the crew to somewhere in the less salubrious area of town. It may not have been explosive in terms of temper, shouting etc but it certainly sank in ...