Funny incidents

[Vital Sparks]

Once upon a time there was a tree boat, in the Baltic, in winter, when the sea began to freeze. Having sufficient hull thickness to be capable of operation in moderate ice depth she traded there for a few weeks until increasing ice thickness resulted in orders to leave immediately
via the Kiel canal.

Unfortunately while on passage to the canal, a large chunk of ice passing under the hull bent one of the propellor blades causing considerable vibration and so she proceeded to Canvey Island at reduced revs.

Once there a "tip ship" inspection was performed by trimming her down by the head until the top propellor blade surfaced. (The curvature which could be observed on the handrails of the flying bridge was impressive to say the least).

An inspection party consisting of the Master, Mate, Chief Engineer and three head office wallahs then boarded one of the ship's lifeboats and proceeded to the stern where they intended to keep watch as the turning gear was engaged and each prop blade rotated to the surface.

Unfortunately at this point the wake of a passing vessel lifted the lifeboat and deposited it on top of the propellor blade causing a three foot gash to be cut in it's hull. The lifeboat then made immediately for the pilot ladder, rigged midships, but was sinking fast and almost fully submerged by the time it got there. No danger of sinking of course but all on board were soaked to the skin.

The inspection team then disembarked until only the Master and fourth engineer remained onboard but unfortunately while approximately half way up the pilot ladder, the captain's trousers fell down round his ankles rendering himm unable to climb. The fourth engineer had to climb to the ladder from below, pull up the very large trousers and then sort of push the by now wheezing elderly master up the rest of the ladder.

Once on deck the sight of the three head office men, standing dripping in their three piece suits was enjoyed by all who witnessed it. (==D)

[Derek Roger]

Good Yarn ! Thanks Derek

[Gareth Jones]

This is a tale that was related to me so I cannot vouch for its accuracy.

In the late 50's and early 60's there was a UK shipowner named Mr. Mills - Mr. Mills apparently owned 3 or 4 ships which he managed himself. He was very fond of communicating frequently with his ships masters, and he was well known to the staff at Portisheadradio.

On one occasion while telephoning Portishead he happened to mention that he was going away on holiday.

The die was cast ! The operator that took the call, later phoned the duty overseer at Portishead pretending to be a very angry Mr. Mills demanding to know why a certain (non-existant) telegram of his, had not been sent to one of his ships!.

Searches were made and of course nothing found. Because he was away, the Overseers couldnt contact Mr. Mills directly themselves.

However the increasingly furious fake Mr. Mills would call the station at random times demanding to know what action was being taken etc.,

The station was searched from top to bottom - the conveyor belts used to carry messages around the station were stripped open in case the message had got carried around and stuck underneath! (this had once, really happened) Teleprinters were opened to see if somehow the message had somehow got inside. Every possible place they could think of was searched.

Service messages were sent to all Mr. Mills' ships in case it had been sent to the wrong ship - but the ships couldn't help !

In the end the overseers were discussing removing the pigeon hole boxes off the walls to see if the message had somehow got behind them.

At this point, the real Mr. Mills came back from his holidays and the overseers realised they'd been had!