Redeveloping the packing screw!!!! - Ships Nostalgia
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Redeveloping the packing screw!!!!

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  #1  
Old 30th June 2009, 11:15
Philthechill Philthechill is offline  
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Thumbs up Redeveloping the packing screw!!!!

This bit of news is of such monumental importance that if the media got hold of it you would probably find that Micky Jackson, and his early death, would soon be relegated to the obscurity of the inside pages.

I have found a use for the smallest of the packing-screw family!!!!!!!!

Because so many of us have long held the view that most packing-screws, from the largest down to the tiniest, are NOT the best pieces of kit ever invented, I will repeat that sentence as most will be laughing hysterically and saying things like, "Ha! What sort of a k**b-head is HE?" or, "Yeah! In your dreams!"

Trust me, is all I can say!

I have found a use for the smallest of the packing-screw family!!!!!!!!

My youngest daughter lives with me (having split-up with her long-term boy-friend) and has long blond hair (this bit of gen is crucial to the plot as you will soon see!!).

I noticed t'other day that the bath was taking an inordinately long time to drain-down and, on closer inspection, saw quite a tangle of hair bunging-up t'plug 'ole obviously shed from my daughter's loaf after she'd washed her hair whilst having a bath.

Trying to extract this tangle was proving tres difficile (as they'd say in French) then I suddenly thought, "Have I still got that small packing-screw I used to have, in my tool-collection?"

Yippee! There it was nestling amongst the antique Whitworth spanners and Metric shifters and hammers!!

Rushing (?) back into the bathroom I gently screwed the packing-screw down t' plug 'ole, lifted gently upwards and out came this tangled mass of hair!!

Bingo! At one fell swoop I'd not only cured the blocked-up "S" bend, on my bath, I'd also discovered a use for that smallest of packing-screws which, prior to my ground-breaking "research", had indeed been as much use as the proverbial "a**e-pocket in a singlet".

Being the magnanimous sort of cove I am I hereby surrender all rights and monies, I could have made, should I have decided to go into production with this ground-breaking redeveloping!

In other words, fellow-SN engineers who may have one of these useless bits of kit gathering dust and rust in their tool-kits, please feel free to utilise it in the way described. (Should you decide to offer-up a little prayer in thanks to me please feel free so to do.) Salaams Phil (No! I am not related to Einstein even though many of you probably will be thinking I am.)
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Old 30th June 2009, 11:24
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ha ha ha... Nice one Phil
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Old 30th June 2009, 13:07
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Phil, Sorry mate, you've been ashore too long,--- you're getting things screwed-up!!

PS Think I've "hair-ed" this one before
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Old 30th June 2009, 13:18
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Well, Not a lot to screw at Sea is there James...LOL
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Old 30th June 2009, 13:46
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Would I need a left hand packing screw for southern plug holes?

Bob
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Old 30th June 2009, 13:48
cubpilot cubpilot is offline  
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The missing component for me is the long haired blonde so i guess when you come to market the new use packing screws you will need to have a supply of said long haired blondes.
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Old 30th June 2009, 15:01
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Satanic Mechanic Satanic Mechanic is offline  
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Genius Phil - sheer genius. I admit I was skeptical of your initial claims given the fact that no one has ever found a use for these particular bits of kit, but fair play mate you done it.
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Old 30th June 2009, 15:05
Philthechill Philthechill is offline  
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Angry I say chaps, steady-on there!!!

I seem to detect a certain frivolous set to the replies to my "offered-in-all-sincerity" research project into the redevelopment of, "Packing screws (small) for the removal of concrete-hard packing from steam-valve etc. glands" and I find it rather upsetting!

One or two (oh, ok then, it was only one) have posted serious questions, the answers to which I'm afraid I don't have the answer, so I may be asking for assistance from the self-same people (person) who asked the question.

The question, posed by Mr. Robert Jenkins, (of the Southern Hemisphere), "Should I have anti-clockwise packing-screws to use in "The Antipodes?"

The implications, should I give the "wrong" advice, being so vast I daren't even contemplate them, has decided me to enrol any of our Antipodean brethren willing to conduct this research.

The reward?

You get a go on the rag-man's trumpet next time he comes round.

SM! Thank you dear boy for your kind words.

Billyboy! Always good support from you, but this time maybe a little on the near-the-knuckle side do you think?

Cub/Pilot and JamesM, I'm afraid your remarks are beneath contempt and unworthy of people who inhabit the parallel-universe of SN!!!!

So there we have it gentlemen. If you want to contribute sensible input, like SM has done, please feel free so to do as this epic re-development of such a useless bit of kit will probably rank alongside "The Manhattan Project" of World War 2, once more and more people try it out!!!

My natural modesty at being at being a near-genius forbids me from eulogising too much but I must say (as SM so clearly agrees) I have done pretty good haven't I?

Now, how do I apply for, "The Nobel Prize for Physics"? Salaams Phil

Last edited by Philthechill : 30th June 2009 at 23:39. Reason: A touch of fine-tuning!!!
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Old 30th June 2009, 16:10
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Aw Phil! -- don't take on so lad. I'm sure that this monumental discovery was carried out with engineering precision, scientific accuracy, hairmo --- oops sorry, thermodynamics, coupled with a touch of spiral hydraulics! Well done.
PS Do the doctors think you can be cured??
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Old 30th June 2009, 16:17
chadburn chadburn is offline  
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Sat in the usual traffic jam and looking around as you do I noticed a youth with his finger up to the bridge and wondered if a pig's tail packing/bogey remover would be a useful item for that application as well, fortunatly I had moved off before I saw what he did with the removed bit of nose "packing"
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Old 30th June 2009, 16:41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chadburn View Post
Sat in the usual traffic jam and looking around as you do I noticed a youth with his finger up to the bridge and wondered if a pig's tail packing/bogey remover would be a useful item for that application as well, fortunatly I had moved off before I saw what he did with the removed bit of nose "packing"
chadburn
Hope the youth in question is'nt the one who runs the whelk stall on Whitby harbour.
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Old 30th June 2009, 18:16
chadburn chadburn is offline  
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James, M. thankfully whelks are not for me, winkle picking below the cliff's was alway's an adventure as a child, I wonder if there is an application for a smaller "pig's tail" to remove the contents instead of a pin.
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Old 1st July 2009, 00:35
benjidog benjidog is offline
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Very interesting but does it work with curly hair? If so do you need both right and left-handed threads to get all the buggers out?

Come to that, if you have curly hair, does it all curl clockwise or anti-clockwise or a mixture of both?

We need to be told!
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Old 1st July 2009, 10:02
J Boyde J Boyde is offline  
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So a member has learned a use for the screws, but surely they must have also learned other uses. As example, back in the 60s, and I am sure before, NZ had that famous 6 oclock rush, when the pubs closed at 6. Those days we had the half gee. A glass holding half a gallon of beer, and possibly other things. It was a dash to finish at work in the ship and retreat to the pub, with many people lined up for their beer. Solution, a number of us has the job of having a number of half gees and had them filled at the pub,resulting with us beign back on the ship, well before 6 resuling being able to quietly suck are beer. It was of course the days of corks, jammed in to the jars. To remove them and not filling the jar with cork, use the packing screws. Extra bonus, we didnt spill any. We did have one problem, when we left NZ, what to do with the jars. I have been told that you can navigate your way from Auckland to Sydney through the emptys. I suppose cans ended that one.
Jim B
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Old 1st July 2009, 17:41
Philthechill Philthechill is offline  
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Wink Not so!

Quote:
Originally Posted by J Boyde View Post
So a member has learned a use for the screws, but surely they must have also learned other uses. As example, back in the 60s, and I am sure before, NZ had that famous 6 oclock rush, when the pubs closed at 6. Those days we had the half gee. A glass holding half a gallon of beer, and possibly other things. It was a dash to finish at work in the ship and retreat to the pub, with many people lined up for their beer. Solution, a number of us has the job of having a number of half gees and had them filled at the pub,resulting with us beign back on the ship, well before 6 resuling being able to quietly suck are beer. It was of course the days of corks, jammed in to the jars. To remove them and not filling the jar with cork, use the packing screws. Extra bonus, we didnt spill any. We did have one problem, when we left NZ, what to do with the jars. I have been told that you can navigate your way from Auckland to Sydney through the emptys. I suppose cans ended that one.
Jim B
Jim! Whilst finding your reminiscing about the use of packing-screws (in NZ) for opening the "half-gees", to get at the ale inside, interesting, and showing another use for the packing-screw, it's not really a new idea as here, in Britain, there was a cunning invention called "The Corkscrew". (Probably invented "When Christ were a lad"). Perhaps "The Corkscrew" (a device invented for removing corks from bottles) hadn't reached NZ, in the dim distant time (the 60's, "If you can remember them you weren't there!") you're talking about, so, in a way you, and your compadres, are to be congratulated for using the humble packing-screw as "A Corkscrew".

Moving on!!!

Your supposition that cans ended the undisputed nav-aid that those discarded bottles, undoubtedly provided, is incorrect I'm afraid.

Au contraire mon ami!

We, in Brock's, used to say you could easily find your way from London to Calcutta by all the empty Tennents cans on the bottom of the oggin. Salaams, Phil (Redeveloper of the packing-screw [small]).

Last edited by Philthechill : 1st July 2009 at 17:46.
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