Erudite instructions

China hand
29th May 2009, 19:50
The recent remarks qouted by the Super with regards to FORTHBANK's cranes led me to thinking of a few more "love to have made them" memories.I am very sure we all have some goodies.

Re same cranes - Super to Mate: "I know company instructions say we should never override the limits, but think of the time, these B*******ds are on double time in half an hour".

Re bulling out with derrick head runners: "Go and have a breather, Mate, I'll tell the 3/O"

Re asking the Super to refrain from pulling more lugs off the deck whilst attempting to take the turns out of the jumbo fall: "If you think I'm wasting time while you unshackle that f***ing thing You......etc"

Every Masters favourite: Whereas there will be no lowering of standards, we feel economies can be made.

Howabout: On No Account would we ever put economy or commercial gain in front of safety.

Or; with copra meal burning merrilly in the lower hold: " For f***ks sake, don't put the gas in, think of the coffee in the 'tween deck"

I feel the scope is VAST.[=P]

29th May 2009, 20:05
How about Super to assistant -' send a Merry Christmas message to all our ships at sea ' - I think not somehow.


Alistair Macnab
30th May 2009, 01:40
My favourits is: "Mate, we'll knock off loading generals here at the dock at 5:00 PM instead of 6:00 PM to give you time to make calls at three bulk liquid terminals overnight - Vopak, Shell and Stolthaven. I've scheduled them in geographical order so that you don't loose any time between berths. This should enable you to get back here in time for an 08:00 start tomorrow morning. I won't order the gangs for 07:00."
See... the super was looking after your interests!
It's a cynical world!

Charlie Stitt
30th May 2009, 14:43
Mate to 3rd Mate who is on night's. You and the Apprentice can top and lower derricks as required, will save calling crew out on overtime.(Frogger)

China hand
30th May 2009, 19:36
The fire was out, the fuel in the rig legs didn't go up, the electronics in the transfer room were more or less intact.
The ship(Jester) , with her experimental?? self discharge rig was saved yet again (1973). Port Everglades fire department did a wonderful job saving the rig, but 300 tonnes of water in a hold full of bulk cement was not Have A Nice Day Stuff.
On being told that the ship, staff, rig, EVERYTHING was safe, super in hotel, in early hours; a pure classic: "Saatana percola, vy didn't you let de fokker burn?". Treasured memory.
(Planned discharge :- 50 hours. Best achieved:- 25 days).

30th May 2009, 20:14
Mate to 3rd Mate who is on night's. You and the Apprentice can top and lower derricks as required, will save calling crew out on overtime.(Frogger)

Oh Yes - been their, done that, Oh Yes (Jester)


30th May 2009, 20:53
While I was First Assistant Engineer on the Oversea Alaska I got a call at the hotel to return to the ship to fill the Stern Tube by the Super with instructions do not talk to the yard personnel and do not look around, just fill the f****** stern tube. After setting up the pump I checked the line up and found that the shaft alley seal for the stern tube was not installed. Since I did not know that hotel the Super was staying at plus I had to talk to the yard personnel to use their phone I waited two hours. When the Super came by and asked if the stern tube was filled I told him no the shaft seal is not in. The Super started to yell at me for not telling the shipyard about the seal and for not filling the stern tube. I reminded him that my instructions from him was not to talk to the shipyard. He got the shipyard to put in the seal and wanted to refill the dry dock before the oil was put in.

The company and Chief Engineer told him he had to wait 24 hours after the stern tube was filled to empty the dry dock. The company were going to follow all of the manufactures instructions on the stern tube the ship was in the yard for a month since the first stern tube bearing got stuck in the tube since the replacement bearing OD was too big. No one measured the OD of the replacement bearing. The ship was pulled off the dock after blanks were installed in the shaft openings and waited for a replacement bearing that would fit.

30th May 2009, 22:28
Esso tanker - due Ras Tanura at dawn. Captain leaves copious erudite night orders - "call me when...........etc" then "ensure this - call me "etc etc.
Sent stand -by man to call him - flakers - dead to the world - pi***d as a fart.
This was a regular thing and I walked off the ship in le Havre as not only he but the Mate and Chief Engineer were likewise permanently drunk.

Alan Rawlinson
31st May 2009, 09:55
On watch 0200 hrs on the Heysham/Belfast ferry doing 20 kts in thick fog. 1600 passengers below. Can't see the foredeck. Call the Master etc.... Master staggers out, sniffs the air/fog from the bridge wing, and utters these immortal words '' I'm off to my bunk - call me if it gets worse!!! ''

China hand
31st May 2009, 19:34
London;Blue Star "A"boat.1966.(Cloud) Shore gang and relieving staff on board.
Night watchman (elderly gent with pronounced limp) to relief Mate (who has just come aboard at 0830 - before 0900 was ok) "Chippie says the insulation in No. 6 lower hold has what looks like fuel oil soaking into it".
Relief Mate (nonchalantly browsing racing page in paper) to Night Watchman: "Hmm, now THIS horse should do well".

Nick Balls
31st May 2009, 20:07
"Sorry Sir, I was thinking of doing that" ......."Bloody Hell!!! THINKING about it, THINKING about it, If you were thinking about it then you should have bloody well DONE IT "

Best bit of advice I ever got from a ships Master.

31st May 2009, 22:27
Hong Kong circa 1972.
Engineer super ( on being told by the mate that the emergency fire pump couldn't pump water and probably hadn't for the last ten years )..
"What do you need it for anyway.... you have perfectly good pumps in the engine room........'
Deck super nods in agreement.....

China hand
1st June 2009, 19:38
On collapse of the first? little bulk copra sacker collapsing in Rabaul.

Boss Boy to Mate:- "Masta, dispella mashin, em i all bugger up fuk up proper, forpella twomaries wid needel tookai moolin sack can do load betta".
And they did!
Happy days.

Bill Davies
1st June 2009, 20:44
Shortly after dry-docking a Panamax in Japan, the bottom inspection commenced with all the usual pomp and ceremony. Things were not going too well and the Greek Super was becoming more and more heated as the inspection progressed forward. The class surveyor was becoming agitated by the supers attitude. On completion all repaired to the bridge where the Super was thumbing through the log book for evidence of ' a grounding'. Nothing could be found when he , the super, grabbed the outgoing Master and said in loud voice (unaware the Class had arrived on the Bridge). You know perfectly well the company policy is to log a grounding during the final month before entering a dry dock.