Declaration for ex pats

DONALD241
18th September 2014, 10:16
Dear Sir,
Please find below your agreement for you to sign.once signed this will enable your water and electricity to be switched back on.Should you wish to travel in the future you would have to submit your passport to Westminster first as it will need updating as restrictions will apply as new boarder will soon be reestablished up north.failure to sign below would incur a very heavy fine and "Prima Nocta"would be applicable should you marry or re marry.

Being English Agreement 2014

I do hereby swear to become a permanent resident of England and denounce my Scottish roots.

Attend English accent classes with a view to learning local English dialect.

Refrain from Deep Frying Black Puddings.

Pretend such a thing as Haggis never existed.

Burn my Braveheart D.V.D.

Have my William Wallace tattoo surgically removed and a English rose put on my chest.

Start a fist fight with the phrase See you Jonny.

Give my kilt to local charity group so they can make into knee blankets for old ladies.

Attend New Years eve in London linking arms and when Big Ben strikes midnight sing Knees up Mother Brown.

Attend and celebrate Tennysons night where you will feast and drink on Bangers and Mash with a dram of English Apple Liqueur in celebrations of the famous English poet.

I swear to abide by all the above.

Signature.

Varley
18th September 2014, 11:09
What, exactly, makes you think the border would be open?

I assume there is a similar affidavit for those who would migrate to settle north (of what should be Antoninus Pius's border not Hadrian's!) .

It would be unfair not to have published any such before today. The compulsory consumption of deep fried mars bars, geometrical sausage, beef with built on handlebars and well serviced lamb, all washed down with yellow paint stripper or 'heavy'. It would have been a coming clean by the "yes" campaign over why it has made so much of the health service (despite having local control over it already).

(I'd forgotten about Burns Suppers - his doggerel was appalling, perhaps those cast away will still celebrate. But on the anniversary of his departure!)