Great one liners from Houlders Guys - Ships Nostalgia
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Great one liners from Houlders Guys

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  #1  
Old 14th December 2017, 21:34
Welsh Dragon Welsh Dragon is offline
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Great one liners from Houlders Guys

One thing always springs to mind when I recall my time with Houlders, the great one liners that was said.
Here are a few,
My second trip, John (The Purve )Purvis" I've Rung more Salt Water out of My Socks than you've sail in"

Same trip part of the same conversation. The 2nd Mate, "Bugger that Chief, I've spent more time on one bloody Wave than he spent on his first trip"

Still laugh about them now.

Anybody out there got any more?
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  #2  
Old 14th December 2017, 21:59
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To be going on with, "As much use as a pox doctor's auntie."
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  #3  
Old 14th December 2017, 22:13
Engine Serang Engine Serang is online now  
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As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.
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  #4  
Old 14th December 2017, 22:19
AlbieR AlbieR is offline  
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About lengths of trip "I've spent longer on a woman!"
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  #5  
Old 14th December 2017, 22:38
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Regarding a trishaw "jockey" in Penang - "He needs a turbo wash on his lungs!" as we were covered with sputum.
Rgds.
Dave
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  #6  
Old 14th December 2017, 23:08
AlbieR AlbieR is offline  
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As said to one junior engineer "You must be twins because you are too stupid to be one person".

Last edited by AlbieR; 15th December 2017 at 07:02..
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  #7  
Old 14th December 2017, 23:47
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An Old Man (Captain) who was as mad as a box of frogs, and by far and away the best I've ever sailed with (and I wont give his name to protect the guilty) who once said to me:

"Yep you can go ashore sparks ... but if you're late coming back, my advice .... Don't Be."

A paradox that makes a paradox out of a paradox.
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  #8  
Old 14th December 2017, 23:50
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Ahh right, just saw the title of the thread, Houlders Only.

I apologise.

To quote Clint Eastwood: A man should know his limitations.

(Runs off and hides.)
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  #9  
Old 15th December 2017, 00:26
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Hells Bells,where is all this water coming from Mr Mate ?.
Captain of the Titanic.
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  #10  
Old 15th December 2017, 00:36
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A 'one liner' thread has to be across the board .. so thanks David. Too many good one liners will be missed otherwise.
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  #11  
Old 15th December 2017, 02:06
Jon Vincent Jon Vincent is offline  
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Royston Grange 1968, sailing B.A. forecastle head, first tripper to Bosun, "How do I know if I have dose of the clap", reply "son when you go for a p-- and your eyeballs fall out".
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  #12  
Old 15th December 2017, 08:27
Engine Serang Engine Serang is online now  
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#8 Houlders only.

I should have realised this as I never met a Houlders guy who could string two sentences together. Sorry.
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  #13  
Old 15th December 2017, 10:55
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"His incompetence borders on the supernatural."
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  #14  
Old 15th December 2017, 11:54
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"Having him on the job is like having three men less."
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  #15  
Old 15th December 2017, 12:02
peterh76-86 peterh76-86 is offline
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Not exactly a 1 liner

Finishing our evening meal. The steward was coming round with the fruit bowl.
To 3rd engineer, 'fruit 3rd'
3rd engineer, 'who is'
Steward, 'now don't be like that 3rd' and walked away with a flounce.
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  #16  
Old 15th December 2017, 16:56
Laurie Ridyard Laurie Ridyard is offline  
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Huh ! One liners are not confined to Houlders....

I am surprised no-one has come up with....

" He's not fit to be in charge of a rowing boat on wet grass. "

" Who called the Captain/ Cook / Bo'sun a useless ol' bugger/ fart ( what have you ) ? That's not the point - who called that useless old bugger/ fart a captain / cook . bo'sun ? "

" So stupid, he thinks Flinder's Bar is a pub in Hull, and Lord Kelvin's Balls refer to his testicles. "

ATB

Laurie.
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  #17  
Old 15th December 2017, 19:36
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As useless as **** on a bull or, as useless as a ***** (pronounced hor) at a christening. Both common 1950s Canadian Army.

Edit; 1.mammary glands. 2. Hor.
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  #18  
Old 15th December 2017, 20:45
AlbieR AlbieR is offline  
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About one Chief Steward "Couldn't organise a F**k up in a brothel!"
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  #19  
Old 15th December 2017, 20:49
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"This employee should go far. Preferably far far away in another galaxy."
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  #20  
Old 15th December 2017, 21:15
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"If there was no such word as f--k in the English language, that man would be a f-----g dummy!"

Brian
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  #21  
Old 15th December 2017, 21:27
AlbieR AlbieR is offline  
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A packed Officers saloon for lunch, relief day Le Havre Binsnes June1969, in minces Andy saloon steward from Hull and says the memorable words into the serving hatch "Five loaves two fish and I will do a Jesus Christ on the lot of them"
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  #22  
Old 15th December 2017, 21:53
Barrie Youde Barrie Youde is online now  
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As much use as a one-legged man at an arce-kicking party!
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  #23  
Old 15th December 2017, 22:11
holland25 holland25 is offline  
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He was so dim all the other cadets had begun to notice.
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  #24  
Old 15th December 2017, 22:13
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"Since we employed him we've found out he is one of triplets !!! ... which leads to the disturbing thought there are two more like him out there somewhere .... "
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  #25  
Old 16th December 2017, 01:21
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Otto, our 'happy' second steward, had a habit of saying, "When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, much better!" I later discovered it was one of Mae West's favourite sayings.

Taff
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