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Great one liners from Houlders Guys

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  #26  
Old 16th December 2017, 02:01
GWB GWB is offline  
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Thick as two short planks
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British by birth Scottish by Grace of God, Australian by choice
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  #27  
Old 16th December 2017, 02:50
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As popular as a pork sausage in a Synagouge
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  #28  
Old 16th December 2017, 02:57
slick slick is offline  
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All,
"He's that dense light bends round him"........
Yours aye,
slick
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  #29  
Old 16th December 2017, 03:05
tsell tsell is offline
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We call him Horace because he's always lying down on the job!

Taff
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  #30  
Old 16th December 2017, 05:44
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MikeGDH MikeGDH is offline  
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All hair oil and no sox.
Mike.
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  #31  
Old 16th December 2017, 10:05
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This employee appears to have only got one brain cell. We can only be thankful he doesn't have more.
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"Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its only sure defense."
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  #32  
Old 16th December 2017, 11:29
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"He is a left hand drive model wired up right hand."
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  #33  
Old 16th December 2017, 11:41
MMA MMA is offline  
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Master to Mate on a ship that's just run aground on a small island - "You and your bloody low lying cloud"!

Master to 3rd Mate "what's the distance from here to our next waypoint?" 3rd Mate with hands slightly apart "about this far on a chart this big" (moves hands farther apart).
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  #34  
Old 16th December 2017, 11:43
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Mad Landsman Mad Landsman is offline  
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Found in the depths of my PC docs, it seems to fit here:

Ten excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines progress reports:

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity."
"I wouldn't breed from this officer."
"Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat."
"This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"This officer should go far and the sooner he starts the better."
"This medical officer has used my ship only to carry his genitals from port to port."
"When she opens her mouth, it is only to change whichever foot was previously there."
"Since my last report he has hit rock bottom and started to dig."
"He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle."
"She sets low standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
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  #35  
Old 16th December 2017, 11:52
Dave McGouldrick Dave McGouldrick is offline
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2nd Mate to Cadet on Stolt Span
Anyone can be an idiot, but you're a f****ing idiot!
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  #36  
Old 16th December 2017, 12:45
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"He's very good at carrying things in his head, mainly because it was completely empty storage space to start with."
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  #37  
Old 16th December 2017, 14:19
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Written on my report, about the age of nine "Philip is incredibly stubborn" Incredibly was underlined 3 times in red ink.
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"The kitten and the snail got off the bus!"
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  #38  
Old 16th December 2017, 14:41
Barrie Youde Barrie Youde is offline  
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"Could do better" was a consistent feature of mine!
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  #39  
Old 16th December 2017, 15:32
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What the hell is wrong with these bloody Indians,
five minutes ago they were singing and dancing.
General Custer
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  #40  
Old 16th December 2017, 15:46
tam fairweather tam fairweather is online now  
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Numb from the neck up
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  #41  
Old 16th December 2017, 17:07
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Robert Hilton Robert Hilton is offline  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmer John View Post
Written on my report, about the age of nine "Philip is incredibly stubborn" Incredibly was underlined 3 times in red ink.
Any teacher who would write that must have been a teacher's pet when at school.
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  #42  
Old 16th December 2017, 17:10
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Robert Hilton Robert Hilton is offline  
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"He has his thumb up his bum and his mind in neutral." Heard, but never seen in writing until now.
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Getting worse and enjoying every minute.
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  #43  
Old 16th December 2017, 17:23
Barrie Youde Barrie Youde is offline  
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#41

A profound observation, Robert, and no doubt accurate!

"Incredibly" is an overworked word today - even if less so in FJ's youth.

Recently I was told (with the kindest of intent) that I had been "incredibly helpful" when all that I had done was to repeat information which had long been published.

The distinction between "public" and "private" is of vital significance and is overlooked at the peril of us all.
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  #44  
Old 16th December 2017, 18:31
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"The lights are on but there's nobody at home."
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  #45  
Old 16th December 2017, 18:33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmer John View Post
Written on my report, about the age of nine "Philip is incredibly stubborn" Incredibly was underlined 3 times in red ink.
Rector on a friend of mine at a quite expensive public school.

"Douglas's seat by the window affords him a good view of the garden."
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  #46  
Old 16th December 2017, 18:46
John Dryden John Dryden is offline  
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My mate on our lazy colleague on a building site:
''He'd rather pick up a rattlesnake than a shovel''
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  #47  
Old 16th December 2017, 18:58
China hand China hand is offline  
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Honest AB (double DR'ed at end of trip) to 3rd Mate: " you aint a bad lad Fird, its just that when you open your mauf the shite just pours out".
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  #48  
Old 16th December 2017, 19:19
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Stephen J. Card Stephen J. Card is offline  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barrie Youde View Post
"Could do better" was a consistent feature of mine!
Making comments on a AB's report...

The choices for ABILITY I had to check one of the appropriate four boxes:

1. Excellent worker

2. Good worker

3. Average worker

4. Could do better

I made a small box on the side of the form and put in No. 5 and wrote:

5. Could NOT do better.
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  #49  
Old 16th December 2017, 19:26
howardws howardws is offline  
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My divinity master wrote “A benevolent fellow traveller”.
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  #50  
Old 17th December 2017, 01:12
tsell tsell is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Farmer John View Post
Written on my report, about the age of nine "Philip is incredibly stubborn" Incredibly was underlined 3 times in red ink.
We could have had the same teacher, as she wrote on my report: "Incredibly stupid boy, steadfastly refuses to learn the Welsh language. He will end up as a road sweeper in my humble opinion." (I thought about that when holystoning the deck!)

I'd refused to learn any Welsh, as she belted me around the head with her hand and blackboard rubber because I couldn't spell the Welsh word for 'window'!

Spelling: 'ffenestr' - (thanks, Google!!)

Taff
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