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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
 

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One day a father on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday:
He stops at a toy store and goes in and asks the sales person. "how much for one of those Barbies in the display window?"
The salesperson answers. "Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95."
The amazed father asks. "It’s what? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"
The slightly miffed salesgirl rolls her eyes, sighs and answers.
"Sir…Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Truck, Ken’s House, Ken’s Fishing Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Dog, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends, and a key chain made from Ken’s testicles."
 

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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
 

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Modern commentary
 

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An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a full day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell yah though, by Jaesuz, I t'ort I were gowin' te drop dead on dat 3rd day.
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No," said the Irishman. "From all the skippin'."
 

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COVID 19 SELF TEST

A new and easy self-test for the horror of Covid 19 is doing the rounds and it's simple, quick and positive (or negative if you see what I mean).

Take a glass and pour a decent dram of your favorite whisky into it; then see if you can smell it. If you can, then you are halfway there.

Then drink it. If you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus because the loss of the sense of smell and taste is a common symptom.

I tested myself 7 times last night and was virus free every time thank goodness.

I will have to test myself again today because I have developed a throbbing headache which can also be one of the symptoms.

I'll report my results later.

Stay Safe
 

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An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a full day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell yah though, by Jaesuz, I t'ort I were gowin' te drop dead on dat 3rd day.
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No," said the Irishman. "From all the skippin'."
The best in a long, long time.

Nick
 

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This takes the biscuit
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Dear Dear
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Thinking....
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Considering ....
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Yes, they were, but their nanny wasn't keeping an eye on them. :ROFLMAO:
 
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