What a load of crap

 

Engineers



Some people just cannot see a bit
of humour !!!!
Dave Williams

 

Steady on Ian, have you lost your sense of humour.

 

J G Grant seems to think like me, lets be honest it was a bit derogatory, it makes out that ships engineers are a bunch of pissheads all the time, and no hopers.

 

I've lost my sense of humour too.

 

excellent a pissing contest in the public loo's, ''Whos jet goes higher up the pocelain'' or can one spell ones own name in the freshly fallen snow??? An Engineer not gods gift, but the wife's nightmare, and the eng supers saviour???

 

Without Engineers there would still be square wheels.

 

The engineers wanted to spend more money developing the square wheel for they saw in it a vision of the future of transport. The budget was discussed but the accountants wouldn't budge.
Now there is only one thing worse than an accountant who thinks he's an engineer and that's an engineer who thinks he's an accountant. He is the one with thoughts of power sitting with those that think they are God's. (Only an engineer can be a God, it says so in the bible.)
This engineer decided to save money by making the square wheel triangular. The new prototype was duly created at great expense and viewed with awe by the gathered throng.
"What's the advantage of the new design?" asked the chairman.
"It's cheaper because we got rid of one of the bumps." said the future God.

 

No. We would still have round wheels. They would, however, cost about 90% more.

This according to Pa's, presumably 'received' definition of his profession. "An engineer is someone that can produce for ten shillings what any fool can for a fiver".

 

My paternal grandfather was Chief Engineer with Canadian Pacific and I know he desperately wanted one of his two grandsons to follow in his footsteps. Unfortunately it wasn't to be, despite his stories, first my brother went on deck and then I followed suit seven years later.
I have however always had an admiration for marine engineers especially during my years as Tug Master on the old coal burners. They put up with all the movements thrown at them.

 

 

View attachment 155649

Was that a Wally Trickett special, from back of the oil book.

 

I visited Bletchley Park last weekend and they often referred to Tommy Flowers as a 'Post Office Engineer.' Although the guide at Bletchley most certainly didn't mean that in a derogatory way, I have heard it used like that (especially when i was with BT for a while.)
Tommy Flowers was one of the most brilliant engineers, Post Office or otherwise that has ever lived, and produced a machine that even the bright boys of Bletchley back in those dark days didn't believe could be done.
So the question 'What is an Engineer?' deserves to be treated with humour and not taken too seriously.
(Mind you, quite a lot of the ones I sailed with were pissheads.)

:sweat:

 

And our own calling had none of those, suppose!

A year or so ago our (IMarEST) President included an uncomplimentary joke about R/Os in his inaugural dinner speech. I was able to advise him later (in the gents I think) that he should have stuck to plumbing jokes as, like R/O jokes, they would probably be improved by the inside knowledge!

 

And our own calling had none of those, suppose!
knowledge!

For sure. I'd have to say I would be a bit sad if I didn't qualify for the term considering the amount I've put down over a lifetime. What a waste of money that would be ..... (Pint)

 

I, too, was posting from a position of strength. Have your legs turned blue yet? Consultant borescopist promises me this fate, along with bleeding from every orifice and confusion. I have sent to Chums for trousers to match whilst I think what to do about the other er, um, where was I?

 

The trick is to counter the drink by hacking up Snowdon (or a similar lump) as a form of counter-reaction. Engineers have an advantage at sea here because they grind up and down ladders and stairways all day (except Chief Engineers of course (joke.))

I still have nightmares about the day I took two feral kids up Snowdon on a high summer Sunday in the seventies knowing that at the bar on top (which I normally disapproved of) I could get a pint. BUT THEY SHUT ON A SUNDAY IN THOSE DAYS.

Since them I've always thought the Welsh are alien beings. (LOL)

 

Supern..... Thanks for posting this light hearted article. It must have amused your late husband for him to keep it tucked away with his papers for all these years.(Thumb)
John
(Engineer with a sense of humour (*)))

 

Thank goodness for ART6. I thought I was on the wrong site for a while there.

 

Art 6
That photo I posted of the valve wheels was taken on a WW1 German submarine. So I would imagine they would have been operated by Ratings.

 

I took this also in a submarine.

To an engineer, this is heaven.

To a Sparky (or at least what they might have become since) this is something that needs to be replaced by some computers and several thousand sensors and activators. (Oh, and a reliable power source.)

[=P]

 

#24 :
Nice shiny things, Things that actually do stuff when you move the levers and turn the wheels. That's good!

And what looks like nicely kept Drummond lathe in the foreground, what more could one need? - Well maybe a bit of daylight and fresh air perhaps.(Smoke)

 

I had thought of cropping that picture so that only the top half was displayed, but yes that would have been wrong. That's a nice shade of green and without doubt the cleanest lathe I've ever seen. Of course this vessel is in the Royal Naval Museum in Portsmouth.

 

Have to admit that's the only time I've been on a submarine. (In Gosport/Portsmouth/sumwhere darn sarf.)

Generally speaking during my time at sea on Merchant Ships the better plan was to stay on the surface of the sea rather than go below it. Having been through that sub (HMS Alliance) I'm filled with admiration for those who chose to do that.

It is an engineers world for sure, and as you say, well worth a visit.

What I'd like to do now is visit a modern nuclear submarine in the same way, but I suspect I'm not going to live long enough for one of those to appear in a museum.

 

Goodness me its a bit of fun, can you lot not laugh at yourselves, take life so seriously. It depicts young engineers having fun, fun have you all forgot what that is. I have been to sea on submarine as well as with my husband. I had fun when I was young and I still have fun and laugh, so come on this too serious. If you find it crap well then you have the problem ha ha.

 

Well said! (Thumb)

 

That dit about Engineers is actually a variation on another old dit about Seamen in general.
I quote:

"THE SEAMAN.
Between the inner sense of infancy and the recklessness of humanity there is a being known as the seaman.
A seaman can be found in bars, in arguments, in bed, in debt and intoxicated.
They are tall, short, fat, thin, dark, fair but never normal.
They hate ships food, chief engineers, writing letters, sailing on fridays and dry ships.
They like getting mail, pay off day, nude pin ups, sympathy, complaining and beer.
The seaman's secret ambition is to change places with the shipowner, to own a brewery and to be loved by everyone.
A seaman is Sir Galahad in a brothel, a pyschoanalyst with a Readers Digest on the table, Don Quixote with a Discharge Book, the saviour of mankind with his back teeth awash, Valentino with a fiver in his hand and democracy personified in a Red Chinese prison.
A seaman is a provider in war and a parasite in peacetime.
No one is subjected to so much abuse, wrongly accused so often and misunderstood by so many.
He has the patience of a saint, the honesty of a fool, and the heaven-sent ability to laugh at himself.
When he returns home from a long voyage no one but a seamen can create such an atmosphere as he walks through the door and utter those magic words 'I'm home, get your gear off and have you got the beer in?
And when he has told of his adventures and his money is spent, he sadly says farewell and returns to sea once again.
I was one of those GREAT MEN."

I've seen a few variations of the above, but they're all very similar. Often seen in many different ships and in different companies, usually typed out and posted on the bulkhead in the bar for the appreciation of those who actually had a sense of humour and was not a professional misery - unlike some of the obvious perennial whingers who've posted on this thread.
I'm in no doubt those same shall find some contrived and convoluted way to be offended regardless - they must have been a barrel of laughs on a long trip.

 

To answer, an engineer is a tradesmen who usually served his apprenticeship in a shipyard but I have known some who worked in the pits. Never figured that one out. In essence, he is part of the crew, and without him the ship would not function. A bit like everyone else aboard really. Nothing more or less. Some I knew could kick a ball but.

 

You left out sewing machine engineers at least they worked on a shaft 6" dia (pit prop) at the pit, they must have had one(LOL)

 

Not a sewing machine maintainer but I sailed with a junior engineer who had served his apprenticeship in the jute mills of Dundee. I don't know if he was a good engineer but he was great fun at parties, both around the UK coast and deep sea.

Made for a great ship-mate (as opposed to ship's Mate).

 

We used to have a saying, " He was magic in the Bar, but b****y useless down below". Maybe that applied in his case.

One ship I was on as a fledgling 2nd Engineer, I only had a 3rd & 4th and a cadet. All good engineers, but this brand new ship was falling apart and all 3 generators needed work on the plus the main engine (still under guarrantee). The Radio Officer volunteered his services helping the lads on the generators whilst I worked on the ME.
He said he would be bored stiff whilst in Bridgetown or Port of Spain and it would give him a thirst for the evening. He did a good job and was a great help.
Jim Horsburgh a Macaroni man.

 

Original post was/is "rubbish". Who died in WW2 when the torpedo struck, the engineers on watch. Who died keeping the lights on and the bilge pumps running when the Titanic sank, all 22 engineers. its a tough lonely life.

 

Thank you to all that get it, engineers worked very hard, they were very good at their job but that does not mean they could not also enjoy themselves. The ones who were form 60's to the 80's had the fun before we had to consider terrorists, and lock everything down. There was freedom for fun. Now there is no freedom for fun and that is so sad. No parties on the ships anymore, lock down of this and that. Those of us born after the war we are the lucky ones we had good jobs, and fun. Cannot see today.

 

Hello chad #43 , could you clarify the question?

 

When National Service ended a number of Ships Engineers and Deck people called it a day and left their positions without warning in some cases, there was difficulty in recruiting and the net was widened. The situation was fine for us who stayed at sea as the promotion ladder opened up although it sometimes meant changing Companies as I did.

 

Despite all the lock downs I don't think ships are in port long enough to organise or even hold a party.
Unlike those good old days when you were 2 months on the Kiwi or Aussie coast, parties several times a week to the early hours of the morning, then turning to at 9 am for a day of pulling units or running up or down a 6 hatch ship working cargo in the 2nd & 3rd mates case. You were glad to have a night between ports or going back deep sea just for an early night from the partying.
No doubt the ************** and forced draught jobs are telling their grandchildren about the parties on the Star, Port and Savill boats in their youth.